famous last words

 

"It seemed like such a good idea at the time" 

"Honey, get me a fork the darn toaster's jammed!"

"Don't worry, I read somewhere that bears mostly eat roots and berries."

"So, you're a cannibal."

"Why am I standing on a plastic sheet?"

"Let me reach in and get your watch out of the printing press."

"This doesn't taste right."

"These are the good kind of mushrooms."

"Did you hear thunder? Oh well hurry up and putt."

"Let's split up, we'll cover more ground."

"Why yes honey, I do think you look fat in that dress."

"See? I told you the current's off."

"Either the wallpaper goes or I do."

"For my next trick I will escape from this flaming coffin while wearing a straight jacket and singing Eye Of The Tiger."

"I'll get a world record for this."

"Hey there's no handles inside these car doors!"

"Gee, that's a cute tattoo."

"It's fireproof."

"He's probably just hibernating."

"What does this button do?"

"I'm making a citizen's arrest."

"Are you sure the power is off?"

"No, my shoes aren't untied."

"The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!"

"What duck?"

"Pull the pin and count to what?"

"Which wire was I supposed to cut?"

"I wonder where the mother bear is."

"I've seen this done on TV."

"I'll hold it and you light the fuse."

"What's that priest doing here?"

"You look just like Charles Manson."

"Let it down slowly."

"Rat poison only kills rats."

"Give me liberty or give me death".

"It's strong enough for both of us."

"That birthmark on your head looks like 999."

"I can make this light before it changes."

"I can do that with my eyes closed."

"I've done this before."

"Well we've made it this far."

"Hey that's not a violin."

"I'll just slip into the commuter lane for a second."

"OK this is the last time."

"Don't be so superstitious."

 

"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."

-Johnny Carson